Animal Farm

After several SHOCKING rumours as to whether all these animals i claim to "own" (or appropriate) actually exist, i have felt it necessary to dispel the allegations that these are just names i give to the voices in my head. HOW many times do i have to tell you that there is only ONE other voice in my head. The Penguin who lives in my head is simply hiding away from a particularly savage army of sabre-toothed minnows!!? Sheeesh. His name is Eggbert by the way. Eggbert..no...Eggbert...give that back. Argh.....! Apologies. Eggbert was trying to steal my ice cream (or objecting to being named Eggbert, I'm not sure).
Where was I? Oh yes. Dr. Doolittleska at your service armed with photographic evidence. Allow me to introduce you to my (very real) menagerie.

Fleur, Miss Garden 2005
This is Fleur, the most beautiful critter to grace the garden so far. Hobbies include looking pretty, flower hopping and world peace.


No. 2, Garden Squirrel Squadron
No. 2 is the boldest, bravest and youngest (and clearly most suicidal) member of the squirrel clan that inhabits my garden. Their persistent digging up of anything I plant has led me to name them as Bond villains. Any day now im expecting to find another hole in the garden with a note attached saying "From Squirrels, with love". They also cunningly deplete my supply of delicious nuts by hypnotising me to be their nut-providing slave.
The boss of Garden Squirrel Squadron is one fat squirrel. I expect he also has a white pet Persian cat somewhere.
Hobbies include, nut munching, dove chasing, paragliding, digging up flowers just planted, door scratching when hungry, and human mind manipulation.

Sir Ivor Pink, the East London pig
Following a recent debate involving
capitalist pigs, I felt I should defend the noble pig race.
This is Ivor, I met him on a city farm in the East End happily having a mudbath (which i am told helps the complexion). Sir Ivor would like it on the record that he in fact has no political affiliations. He also said that as far as he was concerned, no pig has said "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." If they have, they should consider themselves disowoned from the pig race. Sir Ivor's hobbies include, mud, munching, mud face mask product development for The Body Shop and writing his memoirs


Pablo the Fox was unavailable for this photo shoot. Black Cat was, as far as I am aware, away plotting my downfall which was all that i could figure out from his note which read "I am away plotting your downfall, meowhahahahahahaaaaaaa......ahahahahaha....ahaha!"

More photographic evidence as it happens, but for the time being I believe I have done enough to disprove rumours of animal voices in my head. So there.

Eggbert no. Put that back. No...NO! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargggggghh....... . . . . .